Hi! My name is Stacy, and I'm a freshman at Northwestern studying Biomedical Engineering. Actually, I'm not sure why I'm doing BME or why I'm here.. The college joke that P. Jimmy never fails to mention was painfully accurate - painful in the sense that my top 3 choices hadn't rejected me, but that I had rejected them. Back then, I comforted myself by insisting that it was done out of convenience: I wasn't sure of my major, and it wasn't in the middle of nowhere. Still, I struggled with the question, "why Northwestern?" and for the longest time, I regretted my college choice, which I made clear to others.

Life at Northwestern proved to be harder than high school, and I ended up being crushed mentally and academically not too few times. It didn't help that I didn't really have anyone to turn to and vent out my frustration. Actually, that shouldn't have been a surprise. I didn't really like people: they were too unpredictable, energy-expending, and confusing to deal with, especially when they cried. Thus, I kept my emotions to myself and continue on with life.

Ironically, one of my most distinct first memories at Northwestern was the first ACCESS gathering. Following HMCC tradition, we were told to meet and greet one another during worship. I ended up talking to a girl in a red hoodie. My sharing involved the superficial, "I'm at college, not too homesick... You?" She then began to pour out her current life struggles: roommates, rooming issues, the stress and all. To my fright, she began to cry uncontrollably while asking for prayer, which I tried to give all the while being rather bewildered.

That was my first impression of HMCC: Hardcore people who were all for church planting, meeting people, and being emotional at times. To be honest, I probably wouldn't have continued going, but the persistency with which older brothers and sisters knocked on my door was enough to make me feel guilty should I not go to church. There were many times when I grudgingly went, moping about as I thought about that "massive" problem set due in 3 days. My mind wasn't focused on the sermons or on God; I sometimes drifted off and then felt guilty afterwards. After a point, I started wondering why I was going; and yet, I kept going.

Sophomore year, I became more involved and joined the then-3-person multimedia team. My task required minimal time and wasn't particularly exciting, but it taught me to be faithful to my work. Even as I served, however, I began to see more: these people devoted a huge chunk of time outside of their work or school to build up this church. The faithfulness and diligence with which they carried out their tasks week after week was inspiring and cause me to wonder, "Really, is the church that important that they're willing to give up their study time and sleep?" It challenged me to think about what I was living for and why. No doubt, my answer back then was "surviving school because I'm stuck here" – which, in itself, was a pretty miserable thing on which to base my life.

[Junior through senior year] The transformation came slowly. I can't exactly pinpoint when it started since it was so gradual. I do remember making a "conscious" decision during sophomore year to live out the motto "blessed to be a blessing" and to be a joyful creature – whatever that entailed. I grew to accept the fact that I was at Northwestern and that, perhaps, God had some mysterious plan for me here that I just couldn't understand. I also finally acknowledged that I might need human interaction occasionally, and that God had, perhaps, placed these adorably obnoxious yet lovable underclassmen in my life.

Miraculously, as I started to focus less on school, life became more enjoyable: community was no longer a chore but an opportunity to spend time with others, building one another up while being goofy and silly; serving was no longer a task, but an opportunity to employ the talents and resources God had given me, whether it was washing dishes, being the recycler of church bulletins, or staying up until 5am working on Webads. Through big things and small, I began to see my life not as just my own but being impacted by (and hopefully impacting) others. Above that, I also began to see God's faithfulness, placing people and circumstances in my life that convicted me of my approach towards life. I was forced to reflect upon my priorities and motives, to reevaluate how much value I placed in people and community versus my own selfish wants and 'needs', and, especially, to remember the love and grace I've been shown and respond to it. It hasn't always been easy, but it's been a blessing to see how much God has grown each and every one of us these past four years.

So now I can say with confidence, Hi! I'm a senior about to graduate from Northwestern with a BME degree. I'm still not entirely sure what I'll be doing after next fall, but I know at least this: God has placed me here at Northwestern for a reason; He has been faithfully reaching out to me through others during my college years, and He will continue, no doubt, to work in the lives of those around me regardless of where we go.

Last updated: 01/2011