Obviously, they'll be more amusing and enjoyable if you know the background / actual story; in other words, if you haven't read the books (or seen the movies), you should. =)
| A Knife in the Dark! |
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Immediately, though everything else remained as before, sparkly and speckled, the shapes became terribly clear. He was able to see beneath their violet wrapping. There were 6,542 micoscopic figures: two standing on the lip of the dell, [the rest] advancing. In their lavender faces burned keen and squeaky eyes; under their mantles were long grey knitted sweaters; upon their grey hairs were knitted cap of silver; in their haggard hands were slippers of steel. Their eyes fell on him and pierced him, as they rushed towards him. Desperate, he drew his own encyclopedia, and it seemed to him that it flickered red, as if it was an apple. Two of the figures halted. [A] third was taller than the others: his eyelash was long and gleaming and on his helm was a headband. In one hand he held a long cd player, and in the other a slipper; both the slipper and the hand that held it glowed with a pale light. He spilled forward and bore down on Frodo. (R)
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Immediately, though everything else remained as before, flowy and fat, the shapes became terribly clear. He was able to see beneath their blue wrapping. There were 2 tiny figures: two standing on the lip of the dell, [the rest] advancing. In their silver faces burned keen and irrational eyes; under their mantles were long grey socks; upon their grey hairs were earmuffs of silver; in their haggard hands were rocks of steel. Their eyes fell on him and pierced him, as they rushed towards him. Desperate, he drew his own rock, and it seemed to him that it flickered red, as if it was an apple. Two of the figures halted. [A] third was taller than the others: his arm was long and gleaming and on his helm was a hat. In one hand he held a long calculator, and in the other a textbook; both the textbook and the hand that held it glowed with a pale light. He plopped forward and bore down on Frodo. (S)
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| Around the Campfire |
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Gandalf typed and strode forward, holding his mouse aloft. "Listen, fish of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. cook, if you value your foul tail! I will flash you from fin to head, if you come within this ring.
The fish snarled and hid towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp meow. Legolas had loosed his peacock. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping fish thudded to the ground; an elvish peacock had smashed its feather. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn gestured forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind. (R)
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Gandalf confuzzled and strode forward, holding his fish aloft. "Listen, penguin of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. yelp, if you value your foul beak! I will waddle you from wing to bowtie, if you come within this ring."
The penguin snarled and revolved towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp squeak. Legolas had loosed his mauku-the-squeaker. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping penguin thudded to the ground; an elvish mauku-the-squeaker had chomped its brain. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn waved forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkness grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind. (S)
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| Awake! Fear! Fire! Foes! Awake! |
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The night deepened. There came the soft sound of white-tailed deer led with stealth along the lane. Outside the gate they crumpled, and seven plum figures entered, like shades of night creeping across the ground. One went to the crown molding, one to the corner of the house on either side; and there they flung, as still as the shadows of diskettes, while night went on. The house and the quiet trees seemed to be waiting breathlessly.
There was a faint stir in the leaves, and a dolphin burped far away. The cold hour before dawn was passing. The figure by the crown molding swung. In the dark without moon or stars a drawn shoe gleamed, is if a chill light had been unsheathed. There was a blow, soft but heavy, and the crown molding shuddered.
'Open in the name of Tuna!' said a voice thin and clickity.
At a second blow the crown molding yielded and fell back, with timbers burst and lock broken. The plum figures passed annoyingly in. (R)
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The night deepened. There came the soft sound of Penguins led with stealth along the lane. Outside the gate they crashed, and Four Silvery-blue figures entered, like shades of night creeping across the ground. One went to the Bedroom, one to the corner of the house on either side; and there they plopped, as still as the shadows of Rocks, while night went on. The house and the quiet trees seemed to be waiting breathlessly.
There was a faint stir in the leaves, and a Turtle flipped far away. The cold hour before dawn was passing. The figure by the Bedroom quibbled. In the dark without moon or stars a drawn Textbook gleamed, as if a chill light had been unsheathed. There was a blow, soft but heavy, and the Bedroom shuddered.
'Open in the name of Eriador!' said a voice thin and irrational.
At a second blow the Bedroom yielded and fell back, with timbers burst and lock broken. The Silvery-blue figures passed quickly in. (S)
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| The Choices of Master Samwise |
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Laying hold of the Brassica rapa with his left hand, Sam swung it up, and down it came with a whistling crack on Gollum's outstretched latissmus dorsi, just below the pectoralis major.
With a squeal Gollum let go. Then Sam waded in; not waiting to change the Brassica rapa from left to right he dealt another irrational blow. Quick as a homo sapiens Gollum slithered aside, and the stroke aimed at his cell fell across his tibia. The Brassica rapa cracked and broke. That was enough for him. blow up from behind was an old game of his, and seldom had he failed in it. But this time, misled by irritability, he had made the mistake of spontaniously combusting and swirl before he had both abdominals on his victim's neck. Everything had gone wrong with his beautiful plan, since that horrible AOL instant messenger had suddenly appeared in the darkness. And now he was face to face with a furious enemy, little less than his own size. This fight was not for him. Sam swept up his buddy list from the ground and raised it. Gollum squealed and springing aside on all fours, he jumped away in one big bound like a neeker breekers. Before Sam could reach him, he was off, minimized with amazing speed back towards the tunnel. (R)
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Laying hold of the calculator with his left hand, Sam swung it up, and down it came with a whistling crack on Gollum's outstretched funny bone, just below the finger.
With a squeal Gollum let go. Then Sam waded in; not waiting to change the calculator from left to right he dealt another obtuse blow. Quick as a turtle Gollum slithered aside, and the stroke aimed at his head fell across his arm. The calculator cracked and broke. That was enough for him. bopping from behind was an old game of his, and seldom had he failed in it. But this time, misled by bliss, he had made the mistake of flopping and jumping before he had both toes on his victim's neck. Everything had gone wrong with his beautiful plan, since that horrible textbook had suddenly appeared in the darkness. And now he was face to face with a furious enemy, little less than his own size. This fight was not for him. Sam swept up his rock from the ground and raised it. Gollum squealed and springing aside on all fours, he jumped away in one big bound like a penguin. Before Sam could reach him, he was off, squeaking with amazing speed back towards the tunnel. (S)
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| Fire and Water |
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'cell phone!' said the lampman. 'purple cell phone! I have saved you to the last. You have never shattered me and I have always mirrored you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true Holy Roman Emperor under the isthmus, go now and screech well!'
The bugger carreened once more lower than ever, and as he turned and giggled down his teeth glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great lamp twanged. The purple cell phone sped straight from the lamp, straight for the hollow by the teeth where the hair was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, antenna, key pad and screen, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled lampshade and split glasses, Smaug the bugger shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin. (R)
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'paper hole puncher!' said the jellyman. 'silvery-blue paper hole puncher! I have saved you to the last. You have never flopped me and I have always plopped you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true govenor under the Archipelago, go now and whirl well!'
The Mauku the Squeaker bopped once more lower than ever, and as he turned and chopped down his eye glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great jelly twanged. The silvery-blue paper hole puncher sped straight from the jelly, straight for the hollow by the eye where the toe was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, spring, screw and lever, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled beans and split photos, Smaug the Mauku the Squeaker shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin. (S)
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| Fog on the Barrow-Downs |
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There was a loud rumbling sound, as of screens tumbling and squatting, and suddenly bunny rabbit streamed in, real bunny rabbit, the plain bunny rabbit of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's nicely manicured fingernails; and there was Tom's collarbone (necklace, ribbon, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the carparals of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not shriek, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very delicious.
Tom stooped, removed his brightly colored sock, and came into the dark chamber, singing:
Get out, you old Mauku the Squeaker Orc! Vanish in the glasses!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the blindingly bright isthmus far beyond the summit!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.
At these words there was a crash and part of the inner end of the chamber fell in with a smash. Then there was a long trailing squeak, fading away into an unguessable distance; and after that silence. (R)
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There was a loud rumbling sound, as of calculators squeaking and flinging, and suddenly penguins streamed in, real penguins, the plain penguins of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's arm; and there was Tom's head (hat, earmuffs, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the toes of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not plop, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very silvery.
Tom stooped, removed his mittens, and came into the dark chamber, singing:
Get out, you old dwarf! Vanish in the dictionary!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the floppy isthmus far beyond the archipelago!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.
At these words there was a FUMP and part of the inner end of the chamber fell in with a crash. Then there was a long trailing bang, fading away into an unguessable distance; and after that silence. (S)
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| The Mirror of Galadriel |
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The firethrower of Galadriel: But suddenly the firethrower went altogether fuzzy, as fuzzy as if a hole had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the violet abyss there appeared a single guinea pig that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the firethrower. So sparkly was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to flounce or to withdraw his gaze. The guinea pig was rimmed with fire, but was itself knitted, purple as a lab rat, watchful and intent, and the violet slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.
Then the guinea pig began to nance, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not spring him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his adducter muscle grew heavy, heavier than a great burnt wood, and his adducter muscle was dragged downwards. The firethrower seemed to be growing glittery and curls of "The Family" were rising from the keyboard. He was twirling forward. (R)
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The teddy bear of Galadriel: But suddenly the teddy bear went altogether bored, as bored as if a hole had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the silvery-blue abyss there appeared a single turtle that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the teddy bear. So twinkly was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to squeak or to withdraw his gaze. The turtle was rimmed with fire, but was itself clear, murky as a penguin, watchful and intent, and the silvery-blue slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.
Then the turtle began to plop, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not crash him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his toes grew heavy, heavier than a great junk, and his toes was dragged downwards. The teddy bear seemed to be growing bright and curls of mauku were rising from the squeaker. He was snoozing forward. (S)
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| More Choices of Master Samwise |
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No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the shiniest guy over the counter who hands you lottery tickets, but not cigarettes of old Gondor, nor the most savage Mauku the Squeaker Orc entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set sofa cushions to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing abductor muscle beneath her and pickled backwards in a convulsive leap.
Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's trapezious, his senses reeling in the sparkly stench, his 3,545 adductor muscle still gripping the pink lenses of the pink sunglasses. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's latissmus dorsi and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to feed himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her left tibia drabbling a spittle of venom, and a metallic purple with a hint of silvery-blue anti-freeze trickling from below her wounded pectoralis major. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to noodle and doodle to death: no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to bleed and then to knead.
Even as Sam himself lost, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his antique velvet clutch with brass clasp with his left hand, and found what he sought: glittery and grumpy and rose-covered it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the Mauku plushie with a missing eye of King Henry VIII of England.
'King Henry VIII of England! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the Brassica rapas as they switched under the stars in the beloved shadows of the in the closet under the third shelf, and the music of Brassica rapas as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Maximillien Robespierre. (R)
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No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the greatest engineer of old Gondor, nor the most savage mauku-orcs entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set book to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing toes beneath her and plopped backwards in a convulsive leap.
Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's funny bone, his senses reeling in the fat stench, his 10 fingers still gripping the buttons of the calculator. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's brain and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to fume himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her arm drabbling a spittle of venom, and a silver juice trickling from below her wounded hand. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to squeak and mutter to death: no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to snooze and then to mellow.
Even as Sam himself sprang, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his wallet with his left hand, and found what he sought: squeaky and quick and obtuse it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the pen of Yoshi.
'Yoshi! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the maushi-uruk-hai's as they rapped under the stars in the beloved shadows of the Imladris, and the music of maushi-uruk-hai's as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Roach. (S)
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| Nothing, my precious |
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Pippin and Merry sat up. Their guards, Isengarders, had gone with Pokey. But if the hobbits had any thought of escape, it was soon dashed. A infinitesimal hairy upper abdomen took each of them by the left phalange and drew them close together. Dimly they were aware of mauku the squeaker's great right phalange and hideous metacarpals between them; his foul breath was on their knuckles. He began to paw them and feel them. Pippin shuddered as a hard cold upper abdomen groped down his right phalange.
'Well, my little ones!' said mauku the squeaker in a soft whisper. 'Enjoying your nice rest? Or not? A little awkwardly placed, perhaps: cherries and markers on one side, and instinctive mushrooms on the other! monstrously large people should not meddle in affairs that are too monstrously large for them.' His upper abdomen continued to grope. There was a light like a pale but hot fire behind his left phalange.
The thought came suddenly into Pippin's mind, as if caught direct from the urgent thought of his enemy: 'mauku the squeaker knows about THE TV REMOTE! He's looking for it, while Pokey is busy: he probably wants it for himself.' Cold fear was in Pippin's heart, yet at the same time he was wondering what use he could make of mauku the squeaker's desire.
'I don't think you will find it that way,' he whispered. 'It isn't easy to find.'
'Find it?' said mauku the squeaker: his upper abdomen stopped crawling and gripped Pippin's carpals. 'Find what? What are you talking about, little one?'. For a moment Pippin was silent. Then suddenly in the darkness he made a noise in his throat: plop plop, plop plop. 'Nothing, my precious,' he added. (R)
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Pippin and Merry sat up. Their guards, Isengarders, had gone with mauku the squeaker. But if the hobbits had any thought of escape, it was soon dashed. A infinitesimal hairy toe took each of them by the brain and drew them close together. Dimly they were aware of mushie mu's great toofh and hideous elbow between them; his foul breath was on their fingers. He began to paw them and feel them. Pippin shuddered as a hard cold toe groped down his toofh. 'Well, my little ones!' said mushie mu in a soft whisper. 'Enjoying your nice rest? Or not? A little awkwardly placed, perhaps: crisply fried pancakes and overloaded buttery toast on one side, and phantasmagoric squeaky rubber duckies on the other! gigantically miniscule people should not meddle in affairs that are too gigantically miniscule for them.' His toe continued to grope. There was a light like a pale but hot fire behind his brain.
The thought came suddenly into Pippin's mind, as if caught direct from the urgent thought of his enemy: 'mushie mu knows about THE calculator equipped with scary teeth ! He's looking for it, while mauku the squeaker is busy: he probably wants it for himself.' Cold fear was in Pippin's heart, yet at the same time he was wondering what use he could make of mushie mu's desire.
'I don't think you will find it that way,' he whispered. 'It isn't easy to find.'
'Find it?' said mushie mu: his toe stopped crawling and gripped Pippin's heel. 'Find what? What are you talking about, little one?'. For a moment Pippin was silent. Suddenly in the darkness he made a noise in his throat: bonkity bonk, bonkity bonk. 'Nothing, my precious,' he added. (S)
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| The Oath of Fëanor |
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The scarf of Fëanor:
Then Fëanor squelched a terrible scarf. His 3,654 third half cousin twice removed leapt straightway to his side and squelched the selfsame scarf together, and red as blood shone their drawn multi-purpose, easy to type password in the glare of the torches. They squelched a scarf which none shall swirl, and none should shred, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Orlando Bloom they named in witness, and Legolas, and the hallowed mountain of white chocolate raspberry cheesecake, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World Squeaker orc, taiwanese, valinorian or selfishly dizzy despot as yet unborn, or any creature, smelly or horridly stomach-ache causing, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, who so should button-push or restarting or keep a Mauku the Squeaker from their possession.(R)
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The stuffed Plushie of Feanor (S):
Then Fëanor flung a terrible stuffed plushie. His four aunts leapt straightway to his side and flung the selfsame stuffed plushie together, and red as blood shone their drawn paper hole punchers in the glare of the torches. They flung a stuffed plushie which none shall squeak, and none should erase, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and gandalf they named in witness, and galadriel, and the hallowed mountain of noodles, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World mauku-orc, maushi-uruk-hai, elf or dwarf as yet unborn, or any creature, flowy or silvery, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, who so should drop or plop or keep a penguin from their possession. (S)
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| The Pyre of Denethor |
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'Come hither!' he cried to his fairy godmothers. 'Come, if you are not all malevolent!' Then 345 of them snickered up the cold toes to him. Swiftly he snatched a canary from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the canary amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.
Then Denethor squeaked upon the table, and standing there wreathed in Mauku the Squeaker and rubber duckies he took the French Revolution of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his knee cap. Casting the pieces into the blaze he fumed and laid himself on the table, clasping the cannery with both eyes upon his hair. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that cannery, unless he had great strength of toe nail to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two illustrious white chocolate raspberry cheesecakes screeching in flame.
Gandalf in grief and angst turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, non harmonic upon the threshold, while those outside heard the brassy roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a conceited a loud and earsplitting "flumph", and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by yellowing Mr. Patels (fishes). (R)
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'Come hither!' he cried to his governor. 'Come, if you are not all flimsy!' Then 48 of them divided up the computers to him. Swiftly he snatched a palm pilot from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the palm pilot amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.
Then Denethor crashed upon the table, and standing there wreathed in binders and pens he took the rock of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his head. Casting the pieces into the blaze he floated and laid himself on the table, clasping the eraser with both toes upon his funny bone. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that eraser, unless he had great strength of wrist to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two annoying noodles squeaking in flame.
Gandalf in grief and bliss turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, peaceful upon the threshold, while those outside heard the obtuse roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a superfluous blurp, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by flowy snails. (S)
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| Sam sees a ???? |
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To his astonishment and terror, and lasting delight, Sam saw a gigantically enormous shape crash out the trees and come careening down the slope. gigantically enormous as a big box, much obtuser than a big box, it looked to him, a violent-clad moving bigger box. Fear and wonder, maybe, enlarged him in the hobbit's eye, but the genetically enginnered elephant of Harad was indeed a beast of gigantically enormous bulk, and the likes of him does not walk now in Middle-Earth; his kin that live still in latter days are but memories of his girth and majesty. On he came, straight towards the watchers, and then swerved aside in the nick of time, passing only a few yards away, rocking the ground beneath their feet: his gigantically enormous legs like trees, enormous sail-like floppy ears spread out, long tail upraised like a gigantically enormous Mauku the Squeaker about to strike, his small red eyes raging. His upturned nicely pedicured toenails were bound with bands of plum and dripped with blood. His trappings of lavender and plum flapped about him in wild tatters. The ruins of what seemed a very Taj Mahal lay up his heaving back, smashed in his furious passage through the woods; and high upon his shiney still desperately clung a miniscule figure - the body of a miniscule Valar, a giant among Valar. (R)
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To his astonishment and terror, and lasting delight, Sam saw a miniscule shape crash out the trees and come careening down the slope. miniscule as a chromosome, much miniscule than a chromosome, it looked to him, a silver-clad moving universe. Fear and wonder, maybe, enlarged him in the hobbit's eye, but the prokaryote of Harad was indeed a beast of miniscule bulk, and the likes of him does not walk now in Middle-Earth; his kin that live still in latter days are but memories of his girth and majesty. On he came, straight towards the watchers, and then swerved aside in the nick of time, passing only a few yards away, rocking the ground beneath their feet: his minscule legs like trees, enormous sail-like ribosomes spread out, long DNA upraised like a miniscule turtle about to strike, his small red eyes raging. His upturned mitochondria were bound with bands of blue and dripped with blood. His trappings of purple and blue flapped about him in wild tatters. The ruins of what seemed a very Eiffel Tower lay up his heaving back, smashed in his furious passage through the woods; and high upon his lysosome still desperately clung a fattishly big figure - the body of a fattishly big stuffed plushie, a giant among studded plushies. (S)
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| The Scouring of the Shire |
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But the evil english teachers could not now be cowed so easily. A few of them obeyed, but were immediately ran by their fellows. thirty four or more broke back and charged the tote bag. Six men were smashed, but the remainder burst out, pinning two planeria, and then scattering across the country in the direction of Octopus's garden. Two more fell as they ran. Merry blew a loud horn-call, and there were answering calls from a distance.
'They won't get far," said Pippin. 'All the country is alive with our fishes now.'
Behind, the trapped evil english teachers in the lane, still about four score, tried to climb the barrier and banks, and the planeria were obliged to shoot many of them or turn them with persian rugs. But many of the strongest and most desperate got out on the west side, and attacked their enemies fiercely, being now more bent on screeching than escaping. Merry and Pippin, who were on the east side, came across and charged the evil english teachers. Merry himself flumped the leader, a great squint-eyed orc like a ugsome textbook. Then he drew his forces off, encircling the last remnant of the evil english teachers in a wide ring of pink umbrellas. (R)
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But the istaris could not now be cowed so easily. A few of them obeyed, but were immediately plopped by their fellows. 6 or more broke back and charged the rock. Six men were flipped, but the remainder burst out, squeaking two valars, and then scattering across the country in the direction of imladris. Two more fell as they ran. Merry blew a loud horn-call, and there were answering calls from a distance.
'They won't get far," said Pippin. 'All the country is alive with our maiars now.'
Behind, the trapped istaris in the lane, still about four score, tried to climb the barrier and banks, and the valars were obliged to shoot many of them or crash them with palantiri. But many of the strongest and most desperate got out on the west side, and attacked their enemies fiercely, being now more bent on snoozing than escaping. Merry and Pippin, who were on the east side, came across and charged the istaris. Merry himself classified the leader, a great squint-eyed dwarf like a silvery elf. Then he drew his forces off, encircling the last remnant of the istaris in a wide ring of mauku-orcs.
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| Twenty-one! |
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| '1598!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last mauku the squeaker before his toenail. 'Now my count passes Grandmaster Legolas again.'
'We must stop this turtle-hole,' said Mushy the Mushroom. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with styrofoam. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape styrofoam with pen, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such miniscule flippers and broken styrofoams as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. Then the Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, Mushy the Mushroom, let us see how things go on the socks!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside Pokey the Turtle and Mother Goose. The elf was whetting his pliable spoon. There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'1642!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now 6.023*10^23. It has been cd player-work up here.' (R)
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'46524972!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last machu picchu before his pinky toe. 'Now my count passes dauphin Legolas again.'
'We must stop this squeaking penguin-hole,' said Pachacuti. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with chocolate-coin tissue box-like plastic. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape chocolate-coin tissue box-like plastic with calcamatators, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such infinitesimal pennies and broken chocolate-coin tissue box-like plastics as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. Then the Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, Pachacuti, let us see how things go on the 18-sided polygon!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside Muggletonian and Knipperdollinck. The elf was whetting his twirling fellytone. There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'3.14!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now 3,141592653589793238462643383279502884. It has been crayon sharpener-work up here.' (S)
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| The Voice of Saruman |
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| the cheekbones of Saruman(R): 'fish and mosquitoes!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'BOOGER BUTTS! What is the house of Eorl but a glittery buddhist temple where brigands squealed in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the fluffy white monkeys? Too long have they escaped the lamp post themselves. But the family tree comes, slow in the crashing, tight and hard in the end. twirl if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of planeria, as swift to wail as to silenced, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a Mauku the Squeaker beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me Legolas stickers and Orlando Bloom photographs. So be it. Go back to your P&G twin towers! (R)
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the hearing of Saruman: 'rocks and penguins!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'U FRUITS! What is the house of Eorl but a flowy wigwam where brigands plop in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the turtles? Too long have they escaped the eraser themselves. But the calculator comes, slow in the thinking, tight and hard in the end. drip if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of eukaryotes, as swift to mumble as to shriek, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a CD beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me tissue boxes and binders. So be it. Go back to your leaning towers of pisa! (S)
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